loving kindness spills

I recently had a conversation about psychology clients with a friend in that career path- of which I stepped away from in 2006.

The psychologist was quite energetic, sharing about resistance from a particular client and how unless someone wants help, that she as the therapist was stuck – could not help. We both agreed that trust is an overused and misunderstood concept/word, as you can get some work done without trust. Trust is something you have to, or at least can, build together – the therapist and client.

Sometime later I experienced a mash-up in my mind of this conversation and knowing of someone under suicide watch, as they continually express that they don’t want to be ‘here’.

I had thought, when listening to my friend complain about her client, that at least her client was at some moment, sitting in the office – basic somatic psychology of just plain reality! Even when resistance is in the room dominating the scene, coming back to the basic what-is-ness proves that that human is not only seeking, but actively being, within the realm of professional mental health attention – that that person wants help (whether they can confidently claim this for themselves at any given moment or not).

And then I thought of how suicidal people, attempting while under the care of mental health institutes, outrageously express both a desire for help, and a near complete unwillingness to BE! I am holding loving kindness and space for people to embody both realities; that they want help desperately and that they do not!

As this thought became itself, it filled my breathing body and I felt kindness for my own inner conflicts around trust and wanting to be and absolutely simultaneously not wanting to be. I know this dance well.

And then again, in the next breath I felt this loving kindness expand towards all confused therapists and confused clients experiencing places of resistance and stuckness, specifically regarding the idea that you have to want it in order for any healing change to work. It is just not that black and white.

I weep in compassion for the rejection anyone has ever experienced because they could not clearly claim that they both did and did not want help. How basically human! I offer relief and space around That.

bowing,

elliott-not-elliott

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