what is equanimity?

lunar beltane – super moon – skydive

yesterday, saturday, may 5, 2012, i made my first skydive. this was the last tidbit of my research on space, death, queerness, and in-between/disoriented states – aka – the process of life-long learning.

friday’s news of adam yauch/mca’s passing, i admit,  made me cry…

tenderness indeed

alas, as the date of my jump approached, and even the sun-beaten hours waiting between little training moments, and then through the plane ride and the jump itself – i was near unstirred/unruffled!?

[ack, what’s that perfect opposite of nonplussed – b/c nonplussed sounds like what we commonly misuse it for…]

i am now wondering sincerely about equanimity…

what is that again…

is that something one strives for?

in my work as an embodhiment educator, i actually hope-to-engender/intend-to-facilitate expression of the fullest range of life, feelings, movements, etc possible — and equanimity therein. i however, clearly lack in this capacity. i lost equanimity towards myself, for feeling ok/equanimous with it all – haha. the videographer (and still photographer, quincy – thank you!!!) yesterday had the toughest job – to try to get me to engage and emote… not happening. my father, who has jumped plenty and went along with me, was dern giddy and excited and even felt his stomach turn as he slid down the bench towards the open plane door.

i never felt churned or turned – never felt my ears popping, my sinuses clearing, or my alimentary canal swinging and dancing. nothing in that regard. i was fascinated by the million things happening – people watching earlier as well as the air moving and seeing and feeling during the descent – but it was overwhelmingly – underwhelmingly ?!? — a sense of coming home. a wonderful full experience of life – yes – but not disturbing or freaking me out. one tandem instructor attested across the plane – after i said something to the effect of i keep waiting to freak out – he said, well, you don’t have to, with a flat duh tonal quality.

here are some pictures, taken by quincy, and a grad school mate’s verbal reflection of her own 1st skydive earlier this academic year, that puts it exactly! word to yha- ct in fla – lovelovelove

uh meditating on… it all…? during the free fall

“…it’s SOOOO PEACEFUL!!!! Oh my goodness, I have never felt such peace and calm and yum. SERIOUSLY. It was NOT a rush: it was an ANTI RUSH!” ~ct

more free fall – playing with my mouth in the wind – my eyes were open, except for these 2 of 112 photos (thank you dear peter- my tandem instructor!)

canopy/parachute time – some heaven-earth-human brushstroke of selfing practice

that’s my dad over there (thanks for sharing the ride, dad :))

ahhh sssspace …or…

this water looked like the silhouette of samarran mother goddess figures – i was coming home indeed – turn your head so that the widest shoreline becomes the base and you might see what i mean

some great skydivers’ humor:

If riding in an airplane is flying, then riding in a boat is swimming.

The sky isn’t the limit. The ground is.

Those who hesitate shall inherit the earth.

esp. for us genderqueers:

Got Balls? Skydive.

Packers do it on their knees.


2 Responses to “what is equanimity?”

  1. what is trans. « embodhiment Says:

    […] found/find it interesting that after an earlier but recent post’s mention of non-emotive-ness – I was all waterworks for about 10 days surrounding the amendment here in NC, the POTUS’s […]

  2. there reposes | embodhiment Says:

    […] Well, my skydive at least was remarkably unremarkable; an orienting queer space for me, as i explore… […]

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