expected… queer

oh the twitchy

ways and days

of thises and thats…

.

elder queers not claiming or allowing that word towards them,

as they fought the good fight

to have the likes of them –

to have their lives –

be

expected

to be in the fabric of society

and/or the neighborhood the bus or the grocers…

.

i hand-craft gifts for homos or heteros getting married.

i hand-craft gifts for folks engaging in on the exhausting role of parenting young ones.

these folks deserve gifts for the silent not-secret awareness i love them with:

that these observable members added to their family-ness do not bring along only some lovings and joys and  happinesses –

they bring terrors and confusions and selfishnesses and monstrous hatreds in disguise.

i love these sometimes/apparent traditional-family-structure toting super people

despite my oft apparent lack of signs of productivity

and my oft apparent ample signs of selfishness.

.

some form of read-able/legible family-making valuation in our culture annihilates me

in ways,

along with many peers –

and older friends without children whose peer gatherings center on grandchildren updates –

so painful and invisible often times.

who doesn’t deserve what-life-gave-yha and/or life-choice affirming gifts for hearth and home?!

.

it is wild

the effort and expense

we will go to,

to attend/participate in

friends’ and/or loved ones’

more traditional – or culturally normalized? – expected?

ceremonies and events.

it is queer.

as are these events for me.

oh, i go and support, i do so aplenty –

with the excuse and interest in seeing/feeling how people do this…

this life family living loving stuff…

i bring plenty of doubt and awe

along with my reverence

for folks having the nerve

to ask for what they want and reveling in it.

(never mind what we ask for is conditioned – looking forward to this read.)

.

i hand-craft queer gifts – unexpected gifts.

i hand-craft expected gifts that are queer.

.

i have written about how queerness, in an essence, is so pedestrian, so public.

i can’t muster to argue much with derivations and/or deviations of queer this now.

.

i am losing ground – as it should be – on understandings/experiences of space,

which is quite the thrill-not-thrill.

…practicing space

in turns

as tolerating neutral states

the lacks of thises and thats…

the contingent synaptic synchrony feels…

.

.

.

.

.

very other than many empty or in-between

or even euphoric and/or traumatic experiences –

wherein people are at a loss for any sense of any ground even in the three poisons –

where-when

all melts-swells

to a

what-is-ness…

i don’t mean that…

though the brainwave activity may be quite similar.

and, ahem, i’m off to see Neil Patrick Harris as Hedwig – talk about expected… queer… or then is it not? fun. neti neti.

 

 

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One Response to “expected… queer”

  1. summer fabrics restorative | embodhiment Says:

    […] some more of those queer gifts i posted about earlier: […]

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