there reposes

beneath

an inane rant.

with some space.

(redundant)

i am asleep-ish,

so-not-awake in this post.

yet, as before, aware of the glingy-glommy moment of self in the mandala center vs. periphery ness

…transitive perceptual consciousness involves having one’s attention caught and held by something… (Bennett, p. 169)

i am freaked at how exhausting i find life.

And my day job.

i belittle my work calling it thus.

i am called to collaborate creatively

in the wild wonderful project

of helping children become more themselves

in gravity and emotion and

sociality as human beings

in motion of life on earth in

space as space.

…underneath the layer of diverse cultural life-worlds there reposes a deeper, more unitary life-world, always already there beneath our cultural acquisitions… (Abrams, p. 41)

i’m not sure i want to do this anymore.

(This can mean a few gazillion things. Pick your perception!)

i’ve been allowing this dimensional, practical, and actionable shift in identity for a while …underneath.

 .

Multiplicity is my word of the year; per a collegial exercise the early school teaching team explores each year. Last year, my word was balance. i cried a lot when i pondered it. i’d set my bar too high.

 .

i’m aware my stress is utterly 1st world.

As Augusto Boal noted,

some of us with no actual guns to our heads

find some pointedly inside our heads.

 .

made of thought stuffs

murmuring deafening rounds

clicking away with no safeties

triggering repeated inanity

 .

unsounding sound.

mentally sound unsound.

in.

sane.

of.

sound mind and body.

an.

unstruck tong echoing.

non.

 .

It’s both/and, all the time-space.

There are external conditions and internal obscurations

pushing and pulling

in countless directions.

Multiplicity, eh.

…Underneath the modern, scientific conception of space as a mathematically infinite and homogenous void… [we have] the experienced spatiality of the earth itself. The encompassing earth… provides the most immediate, bodily awareness of space, from which all later conceptions of space are derived.

…while contemporary science maintains that “in reality” the earth is in motion… the very concepts of “motion” and “rest” derive all their meaning from our primary, bodily experience of being in motion or at rest relative to the “absolute” rest of the “earth-basis.” (Abrams, p. 42)

Even objectifying scientists use language of the sun rising and setting. (Abrams, 1996)

 .

Yeah, i’m slow on the uptake, two years later reading the shelf full of texts that were weeded out of my thesis lit. review. Finding them ever so relevant and sadly lost on that project; nevertheless, deepening my understandings and direct experience of space now.

 .

Recent physical and mental practices tapping into direct experience of the immensity of the earth pushing me up and the sky draping atop me have been profoundly releasing. As apparent body-space-form, i concur, my corporeal tangible experience floating on this “earth-basis” is that this sphere provides incomprehensibly huge stability for me to be mobile upon and immeasurable restfulness for me to rest upon.

 .

As i wrote in my thesis in other word-ways, and lacked reference for:

The living body is thus the very possibility of contact, not just with others but with oneself—the very possibility of reflection, of thought, of knowledge. (Abrams, p. 45)

 .

A couple of weeks ago i wrote:

“…my week has been rich with morning practices. tortured by tortured world, Gaza, Ukraine, Iraq, Ferguson, Ebola sufferers, Robin Williams types of space swirls sometimes do some focusing clearing galaxy-limbed way of orienting the mindbodyegomechanism. i am slayed in the way-wu-wei.”

It’s a wonderful paradox that as individual things—such as the self—feel increasingly groundless and unreliable, the totality of everything feels increasingly safe and comforting. As the sense of groundlessness grows, each apparently individual thing seems a bit like a cloud that you’ll fall through if you try to stand on it. At first this is pretty unnerving. But then you realize that the sky itself—the totality—is holding you up. You are walking on the sky because you’re the sky. It has always been that way. You and every one else have been sky all along. (Hanson, p. 221)

Well, my skydive at least was remarkably unremarkable; an orienting queer space for me, as i explored such particularly in my thesis…

Not one of us [is] important. But it [is] alright to be in my place and thrive there. (Hanson, p. 222)

As ever, i’ve no idea how to juggle

depression, smiles of satiation,

debt, enough ness,

racism, time,

the muse, disenchantment (the best kind),

chronic pain, most forms of social/cultural privilege,

transphobia/ignorance, deep unnamable exquisite embodiment…

 .

and i juggle away.

 .

And i look forward down up back around from through to here:

Through sensitizing yourself to the neutral aspects of experience, your mind will become more comfortable staying with them, less inclined to seek rewards or scan for threats. In time, the neutral tone can become… a ‘doorway to the eventless’—an entry into the stillness of the ground of being, which never changes and is always the same. (Hanson, p. 115)

 .

“The resultant combination of words

does not say something that is false,

rather it says nothing at all,

for it lacks sense.”

(Bennett, pp. 21-22)

 

Abrams, D. (1996). The Spell of the sensuous: Perception and language in a more than human world. New York, NY: Vintage Books.

Bennett, M, D. Dennett, P. Hacker, and J. Searle. (2007). Neuroscience and philosophy: Brain, mind and language. New York, NY: Columbia University Press.

Hanson, R., and R. Mendius. (2009). Buddha’s brain: The practical neuroscience of happiness, love, and wisdom. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications.

 .

p.s.

…the neural compliment to the mental sense of great spaciousness… stable and far-reaching gamma-wave synchronization of billions of neurons across large areas of the brain, rhythmically firing together 30-80 times a second… (Hanson, p. 113)

i’m pondering how to image this for a tattoo

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One Response to “there reposes”

  1. Jay Byrd Says:

    Hey just wanted ya to know I do visit your blog and read it as much as I can! Love you and love having a place to connect w/you here! It’s kinda your facebook page that I can visit heehee! Love ya!

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