it’s simple. relatively. ultimately.

an old friend recently asked,

do you want me to refer to you as “them, her, he”? Please help me use the right language around your transition.

i shared that i prefer they/them/their – and that

i’m not transitioning. i’ve been constant (wild huh!?) in my self-identifying as neither gender since 2005, coming out more publicly with it in 2009. ways that i explore and express myself come and go – but i’m not transitioning to anything else – simply agendered asexual elliott here 😉 thus my preferred pronouns remain they/them/their.

my friend asks,

when you were taking t, were you transitioning?

i start to type what i think will be a simple short reply,

no, my expression of selfhood was changing for sure! but my identity wasn’t – so yes, no…

and then i fall in love all over again with questions and thinking and this brave ever-loving friend open to learning more, and me opening to learning.

the way most people seem to use the term transitioning is in regard to someone’s physical expression and/or form/body changing as they then feel better able to claim their already sure secure or becoming more sure secure inner truth. (thus the ‘ol gender affirming surgery versus sex reassignment surgery.) a point of reference for this questioning opening exchange was the recent Bruce Jenner televised interview (which i have not seen). this publicity clearly has sparked some wonderful conversations, deepening questions, and deepening understandings for folks.

so then, does transitioning refer only to outer expression?

my inner life and beliefs and self hood sure have transitioned through some life stuff! …including my gender identity.

i think this is where (where is that?) i’ve come back to some okay ness with gender fluid. this term/reference/identity seemed initially fitting when i was coming out to myself as genderqueer/gender-nonconforming, because of simple pure relative and ultimate impermanence.

after some time, i struggled with relative versus ultimate perceptions of gender things/reality – and how we can embrace both realms and allow relativity it’s apparent consistencies – like cis-gendered folks might understand regarding their own gender identity. i actually don’t relatively identify as gender fluid. ultimately i do, but not relatively.

once i found language and context for my gender identity, it was a coming home to my truth – i didn’t technically transition… yet my language for and understanding of self did…

are you with me?!

see how simple not simple it is?

whew. how to meter/measure simple. it’s complex.

Son Lux’s This moment: Change is everything  – changes everything changes everything 😉

is it in the materials? the idea? the execution? the process? the finality? the enjoyment? the Zen of it all?


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