precise and wild – this nurtured nature of us

i am learning/perceiving/receiving

more and more

what DSCN3938

my gifts

are.

what i have to creatively offer

our whirrld

to possibly relieve any

one being

or maybe many

of some

any

suffering

any confusion

…some confusions.

as i become clearer

about

my selfhood

and what i might/can contribute,

this gain in understanding/perception/learning

is matched.

this wildness of me

is matched

precisely

proportionately

with understanding

that i will never

fulfill such dynamic exchange

of potentiality.

personal, institutional, and cultural/social systems

abounding

will  never

let me DSCN3937

fully express

and embody

and engage

my fullest potential.

i’m becoming okay with this/that.

i see

us all

precise and wild.

i see so many beloveds

and unknowns

whether with

resonant or radically opposing

views of politic/health/beliefs/etc

all DSCN3943

similarly

in relationship

with being

such to sacrifice

that freedom for this boned limbed lunged heartmindbody

this freedom for that identity

that expansiveness for this love

this ideal for that humbleness

that truth for this gratitude

no wrongs no rights

i dive into investigating disability

and public assistance

and find

i am in a middle

haha

a place way

of neither

sinking nor swimming

… yet.

it is a privileged

terrifying

blessed

confusing

lucky

horrifying DSCN3936

unearned

identity-annihilating

affirming-of-transformation

unsustainable

undeniable-change

place

between

who is ill?

the system?

me?

both?

neither?

i glean any knowledges with this process

so to serve

and share

and relieve sufferings

of others!

hhhuuhhhh.

at the least, that.

go ahead.

chuckle.

laugh.

this can also be known as

a growing/evolution

past 40

into 40-something.

that is real.

that is happening for me this month.

…an agendered asexual genderqueer genderfuck approaching “menopause” is a thing.

with other “symptoms”

of other corporeal and subtle

body systems

DSCN3940impaired

to boot…

i simply wish

relationship

upon

us each and all

…that we lean into relationship

with our own and others’ selves, beliefs, politics,

and ask

what does this/that depend on?

what does this thought/belief depend on?

what does that feeling depend on?

what do i depend on?

you!?

and what do you depend on lovie?!

~all/any credit for current conditions of perceived ground/brilliant sanity, knowing there isn’t any, and feeling terrifyingly exhilarated with such knowledge is interdependent upon my friend’s new book ~ xoxo

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One Response to “precise and wild – this nurtured nature of us”

  1. francesmarydean Says:

    Reblogged this on simplicity, courage and individualism .

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