Archive for the ‘philosophy’ Category

missives from the playground

March 14, 2017

a

adult playground – in photos

child’s playground – in words

both true.

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how to make chalk hand-prints (best results when 6 – 8-yrs-old):

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get a friend to trace around your body sprawled on the asphalt/ground with chalk

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spend long time deliberately skrushing in various solid colors with huge sidewalk chalks; for clothing, hair, accoutrements, and skin of your silhouetted image [could take 20-40 minutes]

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lightly pat your open palms onto chalk colored self-portrait a couple three times

c

place hands firmly in an unchalked spot on the asphalt

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leap up into a handstand – after a breath, plant feet again earthward one at a time and stand tall [takes 1-2 seconds]

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there they are. bright colored hand-prints clear and detectable for all passers-by

b

i… i just. want…

January 23, 2017

imma be selfish for a min… for a time.

i want you to be free.

i want you to revel and reckon with these vids. they might not / might meet you where you are. may they be a balm for these times.

the longer vid speaks to me more directly than anything i’ve seen in these months – regarding maintaining my health, engaging social justice, and contemplating dharma and yoga.

long vid worth the time! this video is e.v.e.r.y.thing.

shorter vid setting up the longer one

and for good measure:

…it is selfish bias that i hope these morsels benefit you, that i shove meanings from furthest dark materials to deepest within, from my heartmindformspace to yours…

with love,

elliott

listen. differently.

July 18, 2016

DSCN4814listen differently. to your child,

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listen. differently. to your familiar news media, your parent, your neighbor, your lover…

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listen.

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differently.

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to your friend, spouse, frenemy at work…

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differently listen to your sibling, your best mate, your teacher…

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.

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listen to your heart…

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your feet differently contacting the earth… listen   (   (  (  (  ( ( ( (((

DSCN4792there are familiar pathways for sound in your neurons.

DSCN4787grow new ones!

DSCN4811be changed by what you hear 12 inches below your ears…

DSCN4807be the change…

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meddling with you

February 28, 2016

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i do not believe meddling in or with phenomena is possible – and it appears to happen. i pray for rain sometimes. i wipe my butt with toilet paper. i practice playful conscious movement. i wait in weight. i breathe.

ground…’s day

February 2, 2016

“…I gentle you…”

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yes. that sounds workable…

i counter some of Clarissa Pinkola Estes’s wonderful words… enough to  wonder at my sharing this piece; yet, i enjoy this piece enough. it is years old and still relevant.

it’s queer. i can see the usefulness in her words. that’s why i share them here. there is a point to them. and to their opposites. and even other views…

My friends, do not lose heart. We were made for these times. I have heard from so many recently who are deeply and properly bewildered. They are concerned about the state of affairs in our world now. Ours is a time of almost daily astonishment and often righteous rage over the latest degradations of what matters most to civilized, visionary people.

You are right in your assessments. The lustre and hubris some have aspired to while endorsing acts so heinous against children, elders, everyday people, the poor, the unguarded, the helpless, is breathtaking. Yet, I urge you, ask you, gentle you, to please not spend your spirit dry by bewailing these difficult times. Especially do not lose hope. Most particularly because, the fact is that we were made for these times. Yes. For years, we have been learning, practicing, been in training for and just waiting to meet on this exact plain of engagement.

losing hope is encouraged by me. acknowledge, breathe, be with what is. i encourage you to be hopeless, to not need hope. to inhale and act skillfully and fullheartedly because you don’t need the futuristic distraction of hope. see. listen. respond. now.

I grew up on the Great Lakes and recognize a seaworthy vessel when I see one. Regarding awakened souls, there have never been more able vessels in the waters than there are right now across the world. And they are fully provisioned and able to signal one another as never before in the history of humankind.

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Look out over the prow; there are millions of boats of righteous souls on the waters with you. Even though your veneers may shiver from every wave in this stormy roil, I assure you that the long timbers composing your prow and rudder come from a greater forest. That long-grained lumber is known to withstand storms, to hold together, to hold its own, and to advance, regardless.

yes, both/and. my timbers (cells, organs, bones, breaths) are presently shivering veneers. and yet they too are of greater forests (lineages, mentors, teachers, beloveds, gone-befores).

In any dark time, there is a tendency to veer toward fainting over how much is wrong or unmended in the world. Do not focus on that. There is a tendency, too, to fall into being weakened by dwelling on what is outside your reach, by what cannot yet be. Do not focus there. That is spending the wind without raising the sails.

veering towards the unmended is vital. some focus is required here. mending is required. allowing sp a c e and nesting/resting for weakened states is crucial. what is other or outside my reach is critical for me to at the least see and love, if not even touch.

We are needed, that is all we can know. And though we meet resistance, we more so will meet great souls who will hail us, love us and guide us, and we will know them when they appear. Didn’t you say you were a believer? Didn’t you say you pledged to listen to a voice greater? Didn’t you ask for grace? Don’t you remember that to be in grace means to submit to the voice greater?

i don’t think so. ehem. depends on what you mean by believer, greater, and grace. i’m of the godless, atheist, Buddhist leanings. and i still exist and have a place in this mandala.

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Ours is not the task of fixing the entire world all at once, but of stretching out to mend the part of the world that is within our reach. Any small, calm thing that one soul can do to help another soul, to assist some portion of this poor suffering world, will help immensely. It is not given to us to know which acts or by whom, will cause the critical mass to tip toward an enduring good.

ah, yeah, we can mend now. close in. okay.

What is needed for dramatic change is an accumulation of acts, adding, adding to, adding more, continuing. We know that it does not take everyone on Earth to bring justice and peace, but only a small, determined group who will not give up during the first, second, or hundredth gale.

i will try to not give up. i try. no promises- they smell like hope an’ shit…

One of the most calming and powerful actions you can do to intervene in a stormy world is to stand up and show your soul. Soul on deck shines like gold in dark times. The light of the soul throws sparks, can send up flares, builds signal fires, causes proper matters to catch fire. To display the lantern of soul in shadowy times like these – to be fierce and to show mercy toward others; both are acts of immense bravery and greatest necessity.

yeh, fire can be molten lava or sparkly licking flares. water can be frozen sharp piercing or flowing rolling down down down…

Struggling souls catch light from other souls who are fully lit and willing to show it. If you would help to calm the tumult, this is one of the strongest things you can do.

tumult. calm and balance the tumult…

There will always be times when you feel discouraged. I too have felt despair many times in my life, but I do not keep a chair for it. I will not entertain it. It is not allowed to eat from my plate.

i do invite despair, with space – breathable, healing, non-indulgent space. i understand your point, just sayin’. despair has a chair and eats from my plate daily.

 

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The reason is this: In my uttermost bones I know something, as do you. It is that there can be no despair when you remember why you came to Earth, who you serve, and who sent you here. The good words we say and the good deeds we do are not ours. They are the words and deeds of the One who brought us here. In that spirit, I hope you will write this on your wall: When a great ship is in harbor and moored, it is safe, there can be no doubt. But that is not what great ships are built for.

there is plenty of despair if/when i contemplate what my being on earth might be why for… ah, it is that spirit i don’t get with. i don’t think rejecting idealist monism excludes me from exploring existence as a ship made for sailing rough seas…

By Clarissa Pinkola Estes

American poet, post-trauma specialist and Jungian psychoanalyst, author of Women Who Run With the Wolves.

precise and wild – this nurtured nature of us

August 5, 2015

i am learning/perceiving/receiving

more and more

what DSCN3938

my gifts

are.

what i have to creatively offer

our whirrld

to possibly relieve any

one being

or maybe many

of some

any

suffering

any confusion

…some confusions.

as i become clearer

about

my selfhood

and what i might/can contribute,

this gain in understanding/perception/learning

is matched.

this wildness of me

is matched

precisely

proportionately

with understanding

that i will never

fulfill such dynamic exchange

of potentiality.

personal, institutional, and cultural/social systems

abounding

will  never

let me DSCN3937

fully express

and embody

and engage

my fullest potential.

i’m becoming okay with this/that.

i see

us all

precise and wild.

i see so many beloveds

and unknowns

whether with

resonant or radically opposing

views of politic/health/beliefs/etc

all DSCN3943

similarly

in relationship

with being

such to sacrifice

that freedom for this boned limbed lunged heartmindbody

this freedom for that identity

that expansiveness for this love

this ideal for that humbleness

that truth for this gratitude

no wrongs no rights

i dive into investigating disability

and public assistance

and find

i am in a middle

haha

a place way

of neither

sinking nor swimming

… yet.

it is a privileged

terrifying

blessed

confusing

lucky

horrifying DSCN3936

unearned

identity-annihilating

affirming-of-transformation

unsustainable

undeniable-change

place

between

who is ill?

the system?

me?

both?

neither?

i glean any knowledges with this process

so to serve

and share

and relieve sufferings

of others!

hhhuuhhhh.

at the least, that.

go ahead.

chuckle.

laugh.

this can also be known as

a growing/evolution

past 40

into 40-something.

that is real.

that is happening for me this month.

…an agendered asexual genderqueer genderfuck approaching “menopause” is a thing.

with other “symptoms”

of other corporeal and subtle

body systems

DSCN3940impaired

to boot…

i simply wish

relationship

upon

us each and all

…that we lean into relationship

with our own and others’ selves, beliefs, politics,

and ask

what does this/that depend on?

what does this thought/belief depend on?

what does that feeling depend on?

what do i depend on?

you!?

and what do you depend on lovie?!

~all/any credit for current conditions of perceived ground/brilliant sanity, knowing there isn’t any, and feeling terrifyingly exhilarated with such knowledge is interdependent upon my friend’s new book ~ xoxo

it’s simple. relatively. ultimately.

May 19, 2015

an old friend recently asked,

do you want me to refer to you as “them, her, he”? Please help me use the right language around your transition.

i shared that i prefer they/them/their – and that

i’m not transitioning. i’ve been constant (wild huh!?) in my self-identifying as neither gender since 2005, coming out more publicly with it in 2009. ways that i explore and express myself come and go – but i’m not transitioning to anything else – simply agendered asexual elliott here 😉 thus my preferred pronouns remain they/them/their.

my friend asks,

when you were taking t, were you transitioning?

i start to type what i think will be a simple short reply,

no, my expression of selfhood was changing for sure! but my identity wasn’t – so yes, no…

and then i fall in love all over again with questions and thinking and this brave ever-loving friend open to learning more, and me opening to learning.

the way most people seem to use the term transitioning is in regard to someone’s physical expression and/or form/body changing as they then feel better able to claim their already sure secure or becoming more sure secure inner truth. (thus the ‘ol gender affirming surgery versus sex reassignment surgery.) a point of reference for this questioning opening exchange was the recent Bruce Jenner televised interview (which i have not seen). this publicity clearly has sparked some wonderful conversations, deepening questions, and deepening understandings for folks.

so then, does transitioning refer only to outer expression?

my inner life and beliefs and self hood sure have transitioned through some life stuff! …including my gender identity.

i think this is where (where is that?) i’ve come back to some okay ness with gender fluid. this term/reference/identity seemed initially fitting when i was coming out to myself as genderqueer/gender-nonconforming, because of simple pure relative and ultimate impermanence.

after some time, i struggled with relative versus ultimate perceptions of gender things/reality – and how we can embrace both realms and allow relativity it’s apparent consistencies – like cis-gendered folks might understand regarding their own gender identity. i actually don’t relatively identify as gender fluid. ultimately i do, but not relatively.

once i found language and context for my gender identity, it was a coming home to my truth – i didn’t technically transition… yet my language for and understanding of self did…

are you with me?!

see how simple not simple it is?

whew. how to meter/measure simple. it’s complex.

Son Lux’s This moment: Change is everything  – changes everything changes everything 😉

is it in the materials? the idea? the execution? the process? the finality? the enjoyment? the Zen of it all?

sexuality, race, and gender are exogenous

February 8, 2015

…at least in what we mean by those terms. I’m not even convinced we all do have a sexuality and gender that we squirm, crawl, toddle, walk, run, strut, and stumble around with from age 0-100. We have labeled things, just as we have created/conceptualized/named “freedom.” This here is a call to wake up to your direct experience! with “others,” yes, or solo as you please – but without power filters from will-to-knowledge conditionings…

There is no binary division to be made between what one says and what one does not say; we must try to determine the different ways of not saying such things, how those who can and those who cannot speak of them are distributed, which type of discourse is authorized, or which form of discretion is required in either case. There is not one but many silences, and they are an integral part of the strategies that underlie and permeate discourse. (Foucault, 1978, p. 27)

lovely trifecta of reading happening:

foucault coverfor the 2nd time, so to better read the following 2 books…

Foucault, Michel. (1978). The History of sexuality: Volume 1: an introduction. New York, NY: Vintage Books.

 

 

stoler'sskimmed it before, glad for opportunity to slowly contemplate…

Stoler, Ann Laura. (1995). Race and the education of desire: Foucault’s history of sexuality and the colonial order of things. Durham, NC: Duke University Press.

 

 

preciado'sthis book references Foucault also… well, like we all do even without knowing it.

Preciado, Paul Beatriz. (2013). Testo junkie: Sex, drugs, and biopolitics in the pharmacopornographic era. New York, NY: The Feminist Press at CUNY

 

bones to pick

March 8, 2014

i have some bones to pick

2 clearer ones

at the moment

i brush with awe and care

inspecting the dust on the side

a bit

first

before i reveal

room to move

September 30, 2012

Space is a ridiculously vast topic to try and comprehend through the condensed view of a human life, much less pin down with words. Yet, it is what seems utterly beyond the field of possible understanding or experience that beckons us humans to carry on with our waking days, our endless seeming tasks to maintain a life; in order to move evermore into our full and deep sense of knowing there is more than what seems.

We know that there is wise loving space for us somewhere in this universe. Of course, it is right where we are every breath – in our body. This basic wisdom turns too often into confusion; turns us against ourselves, experiencing the condensed and constricting seeming human-body-suit, with limiting mental projections, as if the incarnate self is the problem – the source of the lack of space. How ironic. Having a body is the only way we know of space or anything at all. How words fail, or perhaps reveal the gaps between the lettered shapes and meanings themselves. Here we sit, living breathing in our space-suits called bodies.

We are surrounded by the evidence of space, so much so that we most often ignore or fear it. We are like fish in water; space is what breaths us, allows us to be and become, to change and dance with the energy of life and learning.

It is actually the removability and absence of soap and water that makes them useful to us. It is this motility and the temporality of occupied space or particular room to move that allows for the process of learning, creativity, change.

The synapses between axons and dendrites in our brain cells, where perception happens, are called gaps. Even the molecules agreeing to form a table you might be resting your forearms on as you read this document are more space wherein the electrons shimmy and whirl around – yet seem so solid to our touch.

…more from the wallop of a thesis on space